J.Mc from Kona asks, "What's the point of having a blog if you don't write in it?" And the answer J, is that I didn't think anyone was reading it or really that interested in it. However, it would be apparent that I am wrong. So, J.Mc, this one's for you.
Let's start with today. I went to boy's town, that's West Hollywood for those of you who may not know, on the other side of "the hill", that means the Los Angeles basin and NOT the valley, where North Hollywood is (which actually is a Van Nuys zip code eeeeeewwwww!) courtesy of my friend Shah (see my facebook friends), who drove over to pick me up and take me to lunch. He took me to his beautiful (and rather gay) apartment on Laurel Avenue, where we visited for a while and then it was off to the salon where I got a much needed manicure and pedicure while he went to a meeting at the hospital where he works. The weather has been very springlike and beautiful, the traffic has been mean and frantic and the city is, well, the city. It is amazing. It is wonderful. It is, after all, the City of Angels.
And that is what I keep encountering, angel after angel. Those that show me how I want to be and those that show me how I do NOT want to be. I need them both. I have been wrestling with a lot of "demons" of late. Those within myself. Those that tell me I am a fool. That I am not worthy, that I have made a shambles of my life. Those that would tell me that my options are nil. That I am too old, too fat, or what's the use?
Thankfully I have a friend or two, who has my back. Friends who care about what happens to me, who want to see me succeed. I kind of wish that I had friends that would express their love for me with cash! But money is not really my problem. True, I have had some setbacks, what with my tools being stolen before I even arrived here, a $200 tow from the dark canyons above the valley on my way home from Orange County the other night, a flat tire that proved very problematic, requiring a purchase of tires ($400), a visit from the mechanic who got me up and running($250) and various other sundry expenses that have all but annihilated my meager bankroll. Oh, and did I mention that one of my computers was damaged in transit? Rent, internet service, water and power, the regular stuff that adults pay for, all stressers as I have no income at all coming in.
But I have still not gotten to the point, that is... It's all a gift.
I have two legs that work fairly well. I can still see shapes and colors and motion. I can hear music. I have people in my life that love me. I have much to be grateful for. What I do not have, is discipline, focus and drive. I do not have anything that resembles routine. I battle with those "demons", instead of ignoring them and turning my attention to those things in my life that I do have influence over. I have unfinished work on Project Mark that has come into stark relief since initiating my sojourn to the southland. As I embrace this as an opportunity and not a burden, I believe much will be revealed. In the interim, I resolve to act like a happy successful person, altruistic in spirit and action, and tenacious in his pursuit of happiness.
Stay tuned love fans.
Oh... and they're shooting some segments for "Parks and Recreation" at the end of Mary Ellen Avenue, 'bout a block from the house.
So look what I found in the bushes along my driveway this morning :-) Meet Griz. Scraggly old cat of a couple months in age. Crying and crying in the ivy. I was all set to do a brisk five or six miles this morning and swing by the grocery on my way home for some much needed cream for my (ick) Kirkland coffee, that Teri assures me is "very good". Once you've imbibed the nectar of Kona, it's purdy hard to choke down anything short of a well pulled Italian espresso. Nothing has changed on the outward front of employment and income, but there is starting to be an inward rearrangement of my expectations, with a slight reduction in my remorse and morbid reflection factors. If you understood that you probably should not stop therapy any time soon. I hope to make it out to South Pasadena tomorrow to make an appearance on the set where a friend is doing a commercial for an outfit out of Denmark. It is starting to warm up here weather wise. I hope I make enough money soon to install a couple of new air conditioners. I feel very optimistic as I tap this out, but must admit that I have been living under a specter of fear and doubt for the past few weeks. I have lost that Mark Richford edge that has carried me through everything in the past. Part old age and part life not taken seriously. In order to get that chutzpah back, I am going to take some scene classes with Ms. Shari Shaw, at the Two Roads theatre in NoHo. I think it will help me get in touch with the confidence that I am lacking at present to make a go of it. Stay tuned God fans, more will be revealed. Peas. ~m
